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Bitter Lemon

by The Chickpea Darlings

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1.
Nora 05:13
Words: Narcissistic, psychopathic, antisocial, borderline Narcissistic, psychopathic, antisocial, borderline Narcissistic, psychopathic Narcissistic… narcissistic What are you hiding from me, Nora? Is that a personality disorder? Because though nothing’s diagnosed Check out the hair; just dig the clothes And yours must be the shrillest voice I think I’ve ever heard Audible beyond the grave Or halfway round the world Good morning, Sydney. Good morning, Bondi Beach. Good morning, Bondi Beach. Passive… aggressive… Narcissistic, psychopathic, antisocial, borderline Histrionic, schizotypal, unstable, doing fine… Narcissistic, psychopathic Narcissistic... doin’ fine. Is that a film you’re shooting, Nora? Don’t point that Arriflex at me, I do implore you In your house, you’re actor and director But it would be our house as well if we just let you And we know how your movie ends Although you’ve just begun It’s a desolate dystopia of Needles, pills and tommy guns Bang, bang, bang, bang… you’re dead. Bang, bang – you’re dead. Narcissistic, psychopathic, antisocial, borderline Histrionic, schizotypal, unstable, doing fine… Narcissistic, psychopathic Antisocial, borderline Is that another baby, Nora? I guess you hope that this one will adore you A miniature facsimile of you A scared, bewildered Nora Mk 2 And while it’s sad they take away The babies that go wrong I guess there’ll be another On the way before too long Congratulations, Nora! It’s a girl. Another girl. Narcissistic, psychopathic, antisocial, borderline Histrionic, schizotypal, unstable, doing fine… Narcissistic, psychopathic, antisocial, borderline Histrionic, schizotypal, unstable, doing fine…
2.
Words: In the great socialist state For which I patiently wait There will be many more ugly pop stars And that glorious day For which I ardently pray Will bring forth legions of ugly pop stars And when the cistern of humanity empties There’ll be a tidal wave nothing can stop And there’ll be many more ugly pop stars But so much fragile, dangerous, wretched, infected, infectious, delicious, vicious and beautiful pop. Nothing cute or sweet or cuddly Just poor and sick and old and ugly Strangely real and strangely lovely To me Well, we’ll all hear what we’ve missed From the shamefully unkissed Lips of those ugly pop stars And we’ll all copy the moves From the battered and bruised Hips of those ugly pop stars And they will have our hearts enslaved The moment the needle is dropped Those beaten and broken pop stars And their agonised, tortured, limping, crippled, precious, pathetic, poetic and beautiful pop unconstrained, dangerous, contaminated, I’ll storm pop’s Winter Palace With ugly Alan and fat Alice They’ve seen life from the shadows They’re bringing sticks and arrows Guns and bombs and no tomorrows And the masses will swarm To the mangroves that spawned This epidemic of ugly pop stars And they will clog up the charts With their unspeakable art Those gorgeously ugly pop stars And we’ll march in a hit parade Of songs that will make your heart stop From those pitifully ugly pop stars And their deviant, demanding, tempting, terrified, terrifying, difficult, drop-dead-fuck-off-beautiful pop
3.
Words: You won’t touch the hard stuff ‘Cos you’re scared you’ll lose control Well, that’s so sweet So sweet, so sweet, too sweet for words You’re dozing in the back seat But still think you’re at the wheel Well, that’s so neat So neat, so neat, too neat for words In the new world order Every night is Halloween Mark Zuckerberg goes door to door Demanding trick or treat There’s Bilderberg svengalis Pushing cricket, tits and oil Recalibrating nations With rock’n’roll And product placement But you won’t touch the hard stuff ‘Cos you’re scared you’ll lose control Well, that’s so sweet So sweet, so sweet, too sweet for words You’re dozing in the back seat But still think you’re at the wheel Well, that’s so neat So neat, so neat, too neat for words You’re wearing Vladimir’s bandana You’ve caught Vladimir’s cold You’re lining up to take the shot But Vladimir’s in goal You’re watching Vladimir’s pornography On Vladimir’s TV Just to keep the lights on In the land of the free So you won’t touch the hard stuff ‘Cos you’re scared you’ll lose control Well, that’s so sweet So sweet, so sweet, too sweet for words You’re dozing in the back seat But still think you’re at the wheel Well, that’s so neat So neat, so neat, too neat for words Somewhere beyond satire Is a bunker in a swamp Where billionaire demagogues Tell the world they’re Forrest Gump But you won’t raise a hand To the alleged Illuminati They may be evil lizards But they sure can throw a party So you won’t touch the hard stuff ‘Cos you’re scared you’ll lose control Well, that’s so sweet So sweet, so sweet, too sweet for words You’re dozing in the back seat But still think you’re at the wheel Well, that’s so neat So neat, so neat, too neat for words You’re so plain You probably don’t think this song is about you But this song is about you This song is about you You won’t touch the hard stuff ‘Cos you’re scared you’ll lose control Well, that’s so sweet So sweet, so sweet, too sweet for words You’re dozing in the back seat But still think you’re at the wheel Well, that’s so neat So neat, so neat, too neat for words
4.
Words: Sometimes I think that pity is an under-rated virtue It makes you warm inside and just a little cannot hurt you And if you were to pity me you’d see me really bloom ’Til my flowers burst with joy and shoot like rockets round the room But late-Renaissance leather girls have always been my weakness Those cigarillo feather girls have always been my weakness Ambitious weather girls have always been my weakness They look so self-sufficient but their eyes cry out with sweetness Out with sweetness Superficial charm is such a harmless little vice It’s addictive as cocaine and just a fraction of the price And I’d walk a thousand miles to hear your low-down southern drawl And I’d stick to you like Velcro™ if you’d just pin me to your wall But flaky now-or-never girls have always been my weakness Broken stake-and-tether girls have always been my weakness Get-your-junk-together girls have always been my weakness They look so self-sufficient but their eyes cry out with sweetness Out with sweetness It’s arrogance, not love, that sends us crashing to the ground It’s self-loathing, not love, that really makes the sweetest sound It is courtesy, not love, that really makes the world go round And if you’d do me the courtesy then it would mean the world to me And you could be the girl for me My amnesia was something that I’d hoped that I’d forget But now I pass each year with almost nothing to regret And Edith Piaf calls for coffee twenty times a day And still we’re never stuck for fascinating things to say But late-Renaissance leather girls have always been my weakness Those cigarillo feather girls have always been my weakness Ambitious weather girls have always been my weakness They look so self-sufficient but their eyes cry out with sweetness Out with sweetness
5.
Words: Please don’t touch the walrus Or sit on the iceberg See the girth of the tusk And the glittering slush And keep your hands to yourself They say we’re all made From the same filth and clay But you just feel different So tragic and gifted Can’t imagine your death Fundamentally flawed Temperamentally bored Existentially yours And out of my face Too many miles on the clock Gone off half-cocked Dethroned and defrocked And going to waste Could be that there is comet And it’s got your name on it The punishment’s fine Keeps the bad boys in line It’s their passport to heaven But if there’s no karma Maybe God’s got amnesia He’s wiped the slate clean For everyone For ever and ever Fundamentally flawed Temperamentally bored Existentially yours And out of His face Too many miles on the clock Gone off half-cocked Dethroned and defrocked And going to waste And going to waste And going to waste Looks like you’ve caught a stray shot And the claret won’t clot But sometimes the wine That rots on the vine Is the one that tastes sweetest And as they lower you down Into the indolent ground Don’t let the laughter of Freud In that beckoning void Make you feel defeatist Fundamentally flawed Temperamentally bored Existentially yours And out of my face Too many miles on the clock Gone off half-cocked Dethroned and defrocked And going to waste And going to waste So please don’t touch the walrus No, please don’t touch the walrus Or sit on the iceberg Please don’t touch the walrus Or sit on the iceberg Don’t sit on the iceberg No, don’t sit on the iceberg...
6.
Words: All the midwives squinted down at what they were paid Most skipped town for Glasgow or Adelaide The teachers went to Swansea and the bus drivers too And the youth workers trailed them with the ambulance crews But all the damaged people love the bright, bright lights And the ravaged people love the bright, bright lights All the savage people love the bright, bright lights Do you, do you, do you, do you, cos… London has nothing to say (Nobody’s listening anyway…) London has nothing to say London has nothing to say (Nobody’s listening anyway…) London has nothing to say Do you..? Do you..? All the burnt-out nurses packed their bags and went home To Inverness, Wallasey or Rotherham The lollipop ladies and the riot police Put their names down for allotments in the Vale of Neath But all ambitious people love the bright, bright lights All delicious people love the bright, bright lights All the vicious people love the bright, bright lights Do you, do you, do you, do you, cos… London has nothing to say (Nobody’s listening anyway…) London has nothing to say London has nothing to say (Nobody’s listening anyway…) London has nothing to say Do you..? Do you..? The health care workers caught a train up to Hull Where owning your own drum is not impossible The social workers quit en masse and left for the coast And the Chelsea postal workers all gave up their post But all the needy people love the bright, bright lights All the greedy people love the bright, bright lights All the seedy people love the bright, bright lights Do you, do you, do you, do you, cos… London has nothing to say (Nobody’s listening anyway…) London has nothing to say London has nothing to say (Nobody’s listening anyway…) London has nothing to say Do you..? Do you..? And the rubbish piles up in the streets of Chelsea And the buses don’t run in the streets of Chelsea And the kids can’t play out in the streets of Chelsea And your money’s no good in the streets of Chelsea Let me take you the throat and lead you through The streets of London
7.
Words: Sometimes I miss smoking Especially when the road is long And the road is always very long These days Sometimes I miss Jesus But the nerve has gone And it’s time to sing a different song These days So it’s supermarket sushi And it’s Henlow dogs on Sunday And where did we leave the kids? So it’s Christmas in October And we’ll work ’til we fall over And what can we leave the kids? They won’t forgive us for what we did. Sometimes I miss smoking Especially when the road is long And the road is always long These days
8.
1988 03:24
Words: Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight There’s no escape from nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight There’s no escape from nineteen eighty-eight Another Martin Amis moment An itch that someone’s got to scratch Pouring petrol on your neighbours Praying someone’s got a match Sometimes it taps you on shoulder Sometimes smacks you in the face Feel its hot breath on your neck It’s nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight There’s no escape from nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Another hot date with nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight There’s no escape from nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight There’s no escape from nineteen eighty-eight Well, you pretended to be Buddhists A classic Portobello scam Then you pretended to be poor A joke that ran and ran and ran You called tax a Ponzi scheme Putting knickers on the nanny state Oh! The tales you told yourself In nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight There’s no escape from nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Another hot date with nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight You can’t escape from nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight There’s no escape from nineteen eighty-eight And in the office of statistics A great new cancer tops the charts We’re putting twelve per cent on biscuits So we can slash the price of art And if we like your chequered cheekbones We might hang you in the Tate Let’s kick this mother into life It’s nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight There’s no escape from nineteen eighty-eight Nineteen eighty-eight
9.
Camber Sands 04:46
Words: If the eyes are telling lies What’s this haircut say to you? If these scars don’t tell their story Please refer to my tattoos You don’t need to know my blood group There’s no blood left anyway Hit the kill switch… Twenty-nine years after Dresden Thirty-one before Shanghai In that accidental moment There lived you and I In that accidental moment We knew we’d probably fry Hit the kill switch… When they leaked the master plan We swapped our home for krugerrands And buried them in Camber Sands And hit the kill switch But we’ve still got our memories Of pangolins and honey bees And their unforgiving, evil queen Who hit the kill switch They’ll choose some Scottish island Erase it from the maps Stockpile insulin and cheap baked beans And cigarettes and tractor parts And we’ll murder our own parents To get our names put in the hat And then we’ll all be immigrants Well, who’d have thought of that? And we’ll horde that sweetest luxury Old-fashioned pornography Images of days gone by Images of you and me And we’ll shiver on the clifftops With the sunset and the memories And the kill switch Raised on starvation rations A new species will emerge Part-human, part-locust Destined to scour the earth But on pound shop batteries Nothing runs for very long Hit the kill switch… Buried miles inside the ground The ancient servers make no sound Not since the Nikkei ran aground And they hit the kill switch In caverns deep, devoid of light We’re all scratched out in terabytes That no device can read or write And we hit the kill switch… And that biometric lottery That we all thought we’d won ‘Cos we were blonde and beautiful The idle rich of Albion Will spawn a new Olympus And a pantheon of fools Who tremble at the rain and snow And marvel at the moon And a generation down the line They won’t need words no more They’ll scavenge plastic bottles from The place we called the seashore The place we called the seashore The place we called the seashore The terrifying seashore The place we called the seashore Down at Camber Sands Down at Camber Sands The place we called The seashore
10.
Words: Mister Thomas Edison, you’re dead For every Frank Sinatra there’s a ballroom blitz But nothing now will ever, ever end Mister Thomas Edison, still pumping out the hits Tygers, I’ve discovered, seldom just pop round for tea They all work on commission and they’re techno-savvy guys This one’s pushing laser surgery Wants to sizzle out the tumours from behind my eyes But it’s not the darkness that frightens me Not the dark that puts my feet to flight Not the darkness that burns my eyes It’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light It’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light Mister Jimmy Saville, also dead Glittering like Christmas through the north Atlantic night Seeps on board like damp formaldehyde Jimmy fucking Saville, still hiding in plain sight Hey, even Adolf Hitler felt a warm glow for the kids Just ask Bosch and Hugo Boss and Daimler-Benz Obviously he messed up with the Guardian-reading yids And copycat high spirits from his Facebook friends But it’s not the darkness that frightens me Not the dark that puts my feet to flight Not the darkness that burns my eyes It’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light It’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light Hey, Leni Riefenstahl! It’s time for Donald’s close-up Hey, Leni Riefenstahl! Let’s see those pearly-whites Hey, Leni Reifenstahl! It’s time to put on music Hey, Leni Reifenstahl! It’s time to light the lights It’s time to light the lights Mr Lemmy Motörhead Quite recently deceased You didn’t want to live forever - just as well Maybe you just secretly craved peace Eternity in heaven or a quiet night in hell God’s eyes burn like searchlights from His watchtower above Wipes out your firewall like a coffee ring You could call it tyranny or you could call it love Or a slightly creepy interest in absolutely everything So it’s not the darkness that frightens me Not the dark that puts my feet to flight Not the darkness that burns my eyes It’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light It’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light, it’s the light
11.
Words: My baby wants a riot Ask her – she won’t deny it My baby wants a riot She’s normally so quiet My baby wants a riot She’s cursing like a pirate My baby wants a riot It’s an urge and she won’t fight it My baby pays her taxes Sometimes she goes without She don’t demand perfection Quite rare she’ll scream or shout When things don’t go her way Not inclined to bitch or pout ’Til she heard about Jennifer Arcur(a)i Pole-dancing for the Führer Now my baby wants a riot Want venom? She’ll supply it My baby wants a riot She’s normally quite quiet But my baby wants a riot Ask her, she won’t deny it now My baby wants a riot It’s an urge and she won’t fight it I’ve tried to give her decaf Cut back on her red meat Took her away to Devon Massaged her neck and feet But she’s still got Radio 4 On all night and she can’t sleep She threw away the telly Now she’s quoting Machiavelli So my baby wants a riot She’s cursing like a pirate My baby wants a riot She’s normally quite quiet My baby wants a riot Ask her, she won’t deny it now My baby wants a riot It’s an urge and she won’t fight it Grant Shapps stole away my lass (Grant Shapps..!!) Kidnapped my sweet, sweet girl (Grant Shapps..!!) Matt Hancock snatched away my princess (Grant Shapps..!!) Left me with Lady Macbeth It’s made me want a riot I’m cursing like a pirate now We want to go to London Eviscerate those chinless wonders My baby wants a riot Stop her? Just you try it now My baby wants a riot It’s an urge and she shouldn’t fight it
12.
Words: We’re making friends with our futures We don’t give a fig for the past We’re making friends with our futures At last, at last, at last, at last We’re done with caffeine and parties and staying up ’til dawn There’ll be no laughing or Smarties or frolics on the lawn We’re through with nylon and Night Nurse and non-organic cheese No time for pylons or trans-fats or dodgy R&B No heavy lifting or kissing or hand-rolled cigarettes There’ll be no smoking or drinking or writing off bad debts No time for Brighton or Luton or coming up for air No need for fruitless emotions or knowing who you are We’re making friends with our futures We don’t give a fig for the past We’re making friends with our futures At last, at last, at last, at last No more asbestos or Botox or sugar-coated pills We’re done with diesel and sunshine and non-prescription thrills We don’t need ringtones or caring or sticky little scenes We don’t need pity or handshakes or saying what we mean We’re done with cruising and boozing and aluminium pans We’re done with gambling and sharing and all our flaky friends There’ll be no surfing or cursing or Tuesday evening dates We’re sick of verses and hooklines and pointless middle 8’s We’re making friends with our futures We don’t give a fig for the past We’re making friends with our futures At last, at last, at last, at last Our bodies are going to be temples Built on the outskirts of town Mine is going to be rental The kind that the council tears down There’ll be no Vimto or funerals or unrequited lust We’re done with babies and orgies and basic human trust We’ve been through hubris and kindness, come out the other side There’ll be no leaping or cheating the political divide We’re done with rabies and maybes and putting out the bins We’re through with Lenin and McCarthy atoning for our sins We gave up smoking and drinking and fumbling in the dark We’re done with voting and thinking and listening to our hearts We’re making friends with our futures We don’t give a fig for the past We’re making friends with our futures At last, at last, at last, at last

about

July 2023:

Hello world... just the briefest of notes to say we've (very lightly) re-mastered some of the 'Bitter Lemon' tracks, so there's a little more consistency, level-wise, across the album. NOTHING is too good for you people - nothing..!! Love to all... The CPDs xxxxx


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

October 2020:

Three (or is it four..?) years in gestation, I guess this is mostly a collection of instinctive reactions to the grisly "bucket of offal in the face" experiences of Brexit and Trump... nothing necessarily explicit or specific, but that deep, gut sensation of disquiet at a world that suddenly seems to belong to strangers... dangerous, dangerous strangers. Oh... apart from 'Please Don't Touch The Walrus Or Sit On The Iceberg'... which is about the taxiderm'd walrus in south London's Horseman Museum (and, you know, the nature of existence and all that...), who has massive tusks and an even more impressive midriff than the (gently but remorselessly expanding) Chickpea Darlings themselves. Middle age, eh..? It's quite the scoundrel, and no mistake.

Download it all for nowt here, anyway (if you really wish to part with cash, maybe send it to UNICEF instead..? Mm..?), or in MP3/CD form at chickpeadarlings.com, and feel free to whizz us an email if you wish. Oh - and also shimmy along to The Spanish Amanda, our 'big sister' band, because the Span-Am new long-player ('Pop's Gone And Bought A Gun' - or 'Pop's Gone And Bought A Gin', as the missus insists on calling it) is bloody great too. No, seriously, it's really good.

Pip pip, and all kindness to youse, and the world...

The Chickpea Darlings xxx
(Currently in Letchworth, but spiritually somewhere far further north...)

credits

released October 2, 2020

Written, performed and produced (in the loosest, most generous sense...) by Huw and Jo Darling, with Ivan on 'beats' (as we're given to understand The Youth might term it...), and Freddy 'T-Bear' Darling occupying the role of overseer, mentor and mercurial spirit-guide. Hello, Freddy.

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The Chickpea Darlings Letchworth Garden City, UK

'Riot' has OFFICIALLY left the building. Thanks, Darrin.

The Darlings: Middle-aged bedroom miserablists with C86-ish tendencies, The Chickpea Darlings have seen the future and don't care for the cut of its jib. Their dry-as-a-biscuit pop vignettes provide the perfect soundtrack for speculating on the madness to come. Viva Donald Trump, global warming & the death of democracy. Viva the Darlings. ... more

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