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Poets' Day

by The Chickpea Darlings

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1.
Hobbled 03:23
Words: You children of the seventies Your dreams of peace and plenty Are just quaint relics of the past Crude sixties propaganda From which you won’t recover Guess we didn’t build you guys to last We had you hobbled from the start We put our bar code on your heart We had you hobbled from the start You children of the eighties My God, you poor, poor babies Never have a home to call your own Weak bones and self-obsession A half-baked education I somehow feel responsible We had you hobbled from the start We put our bar code on your heart We had you hobbled from the start You children of the nineties You shake your skinny heinies Hoping the world will love you more But our new technology Stole all your creativity Tell me what’s left to love you for? We had you hobbled from the start We put our bar code on your heart We had you hobbled from the start We shattered both your ankles We bound you up in shackles We had you hobbled from the start It will not happen in our lifetime Nothing ever does God bless the children
2.
Words: A thief awoke me in the dead hours of the night I struggled blindly and I killed him in my fright I phoned a friend of mine who deals with murdered thieves But back in the bedroom, my eyes could not believe The body had just disappeared The hands, the feet, the halo and the beard Mardi Gras in San Sebastian He’s not coming back All across this green and pleasant land He’s not coming back I climbed a tree and reached out for the stars He’s not coming back And if they ever do find life on Mars He’s not coming back I rushed to the balcony and peered into the dark I searched the street outside, the school yard and the park Called all the hospitals, the airport and police Spoke to the BBC and wrote a press release They said ‘Once round the block is all you get Don’t fill your life with vain regret.’ From Medina to the Bataclan He’s not coming back In the caverns of the Vatican He’s not coming back He cut off his hair and got a job He’s not coming back Selling Belgian lager to the mob He’s not coming back There were no footprints in the sand No perforations in his hands No one there to roll away the stone He’s not coming back Selling relics of the dusty bones He’s not coming back Take another Hallmark holiday He’s not coming back Canterbury, then off to the Crusades He’s not coming back And if he showed his face round here We’d cut his throat from ear to ear There won’t be a prize for everyone He’s not coming back Jam tomorrow, then Jerusalem He’s not coming back We’re just ripples in the cosmic pond He’s not coming back Skimming stones into the great beyond He’s not coming back Hey, he’s come back But he don’t look the way he should Hey, he’s come back But he don’t sound the way he should Hey, he’s come back But he don’t act the way he should... etc., etc., etc...
3.
Words: People try to put us down Just because we own this town Your generation Thinks it invented having sex But we invented sex Back in my day It was back in ’83 We found a magazine You can guess what happened next And that’s how we invented sex And your generation Thinks it invented Camden Town But we invented Camden In my day We found an A-Z And sure as eggs is eggs We put the word around And soon invented Camden Town Don’t feel sad… …just ’cos we got there first Don’t get mad… …just ’cos we got there first Don’t feel bad… …just ’cos we got there first Your generation Thinks it invented skinny jeans But we invented them Back in my day We had fantastic legs But really drastic kecks So back in ‘83 We invented skinny jeans Your generation Thinks it invented feeling numb But we were pretty numb Back in my day I was anaesthetised Way back in 85 I still cannot feel my thumbs Yeah, I invented feeling numb Don’t feel sad… …just ’cos we got there first Don’t get mad… …just ’cos we got there first Don’t feel bad… …just ’cos we got there first You don’t know who your enemy is You don’t know who your enemy is You don’t know who your enemy is But it’s not me Your generation Thinks it invented facial hair But we had facial hair Back in my day First it was just here and there Then it was everywhere We all looked like polar bears Yeah, we invented facial hair Your generation Thinks it invented suicide But we all killed ourselves Back in my day Life was a living hell So we all offed ourselves We couldn’t stand to be alive Yeah, we invented suicide Don’t feel sad… …just ’cos we got there first Don’t get mad… …just ’cos we got there first Don’t feel bad… …just ’cos we got there first People try to put us down Just because we own this town
4.
Words: I live in a city The sort of city you could write a song about I live in a city The kind that makes you want to get the big guns out I live in a city I live in a city that’s a dirty bomb I live in a city A city that doesn’t care where you come from Or what you’ve done And every day the grand parade And every day a star is made And every day a prize for everyone And every night we paint the town And every night the stars come down And every night an ambulance for one I live in a city I live in a city where we know the score I live in a city A city with a story it cannot recall I live in a city I live in a city in the best of health I live in a city A city that doesn’t want to know itself Thinks it’s something else And every day our daily bread And every day a cigarette And every day don’t call us, we’ll call you And every night we take the pill And every night we shoot to kill And every night a smiling new recruit I live in a city A city that knows it’s going to get its cut I live in a city That will not be forgotten when it’s all shared out I live in a city I live in a city built on sticks and stones I live in a city A city that feels autumn coming in its bones And winter soon And every day the landlord calls And every day a wrecking ball And every day we calculate the cost And every night we knock it down And every night rebuild the town And every night we don’t know what we’ve lost I live in a city I live in a city that was never there I live in a city I live in a city that will not be spared I live in a city I live in a city that is not alright I live in a city A city that might not make it through the night It threw the fight And every day we sell ourselves And every day a pound of flesh And every day the wolf comes to the door And every night it comes again And every night we let it in And every night we let it in And every night we let it in And I live in a city.
5.
Drunk 03:52
Words: I’ll have a Boston beer I’ll have a Belgian beer I’ll have a French beer Another French beer If I was in Paris I’d be drunk If I was in Munich I’d be drunk Fly me to Madrid and I’ll drink If I was in Paris I’d be drunk Flower buds grow from my fingertips, I touch your lips And I’m drunk I’ll have a Danish beer I’ll have a Turkish beer I’ll have a French beer And an Egyptian beer If I didn’t have to drive I’d drink When I can’t live with my thoughts no more I’ll drink When I can’t live with this world at war, I’ll drink If I wasn’t sober I’d be drunk The bomb goes off behind my eyes, clouds smudge the skies, and to my surprise I’m drunk I’ll have a London beer I’ll have an Afghan beer I’ll have a Spanish beer I’ll have a German beer The streets ring with fanatic cries, we’re paralysed, the debris flies And I’m drunk I’ll have a Syrian beer And a Tunisian beer I’ll have a French beer Another French beer And when they slam the shelter door Where there’s no room for one more Makes no odds which side you’re on Names and passports, dead and gone When there’s static on the radio Nowhere left for us to go Take me to the late, late show I’ll be drunk Sous les pavés, c’est la plage And I’m drunk I’ll have a German beer A Bangladeshi beer I’ll have a Yorkshire beer I’ll have a Flemish beer If I was in London I’d be drunk If I was in Luton I’d be drunk Is there anywhere in Helmand you can drink? It’s hard to follow orders when you’re drunk I love the world and it loves me, its joy and its stupidity When I’m drunk I’ll have an Aussie beer And an Iraqi beer I’ll have a French beer Another French beer So when they ring the bell for time I’ll have Malibu and lime Je suis Charlie, je suis seul They’ll cut our throats for rock and roll Or it could be the labour pains As history is born again Blood and beer flow down Brick Lane And I’m drunk Liberté, egalité… And I’m drunk I’ll have a French beer Another French beer Another French beer
6.
Monsters 04:04
Words: The children of the rich are monsters Often the children of the poor are monsters too Now there’s something growing inside me that feels monstrous And I’m starting to wonder about you Monsters just can’t hear the difference vinyl makes Monsters cannot change their tone of voice Monsters are far too fond of football Monsters have really got no choice Monsters need fun, clean air and exercise Monsters have their own monster religion Monsters have got great legal people Monsters can always be forgiven Monsters know the value of good product Monsters know how to work a look Monsters know where to get the good shit Monsters prefer their meat uncooked Monsters have firm and hairless genitals Monsters like to be the best at sex Monsters like to blow all of the candles out Monsters just can’t keep it in their kecks Monsters have quite expensive problems Monsters are more complex than you think Monsters have issues they can’t talk about Monsters have a weakness for the drink Monsters walk the streets at all hours Monsters like to watch you while you sleep Monsters will have our sort for breakfast Monsters will be the death of me They’ll be the death of me
7.
John Denver 05:58
Words: 'You like John Denver. You love him...' Go to the seaside Take all your problems with you Head down to Brighton Before winter comes Go to the seaside We’ll drive you to the station What’s left for you in Luton Now all’s been said and done? Go to the seaside And take your demons with you Head down to Brighton And set your demons free And if you are your problems Or if you are your demons Then you must take those demons And drown them in the sea Go to the seaside A world of bed and breakfast Head down to Brighton For a life of social care Forget your medication Just walk into the water The waters close above you Like you were never there Like you were never there Like you were never there Hats off to the invisible man A big hand for the invisible man High five to the invisible man... ...and on, and on, and on, ad infinitum...
8.
Words: Dear Mr Wilberforce, I pray Should you return to Earth one day Then do not visit London ’Less you want your heart broken Put out the word across the sea Along the Effra and the Lee That though the harbour lights are shining It’s so dark down in the briny And though the cliffs of Dover are white as any bone Nothing will be picked so bare as the place that you’ll call The place that you’ll call home You won’t go home She drives the blue Bavarian Down streets she wouldn’t walk alone She only gets that special feeling From German engineering They’re all digging cellars in this town The only way to go is down It’s where they took my sister The Kensington militia And the future giants of Albion are sighing in their sleep They don’t feel the cold north wind or hear the city Hear the city weep The cuts are deep It’s just two buses and a Tube From New Cross Gate to Gloucester Road But the advice they gave to me Was in a language I don’t speak We only want to be like you You should be flattered that we do One day I’m gonna change my surname So you don’t think I’m vermin “Progress through technology” and “work will make you free” They were the lessons of the late-lamented Twentieth century The rest is history The rest is history
9.
Words: The cat likes a good box set He likes it best when we don’t move around too much He likes it best when we’re all in it together Prefers cotton to cold leather The cat likes a good box set Except sometimes when it’s late summer He likes some company in the garden A warm car that he can sit on The cat likes a good box set He likes a yarn with unexpected twists A tale with a strong resolution Something he can get his teeth stuck in The cat likes a good box set The cat likes a long weekend The cat likes a day in bed The cat likes a good box set The wife likes a home-cooked meal She likes it best when the cat has a little She thinks the weekends just aren’t long enough For taking photographs and making stuff I like the wife and the cat There’s fish, too, but they’re a different gang None of us are fans of mindless violence We like the closeness and we like the silence And we all like a good box set We all like a long weekend We all like a day in bed We all like a good box set The cat doesn’t like Philip Green He don’t care for gentlemen with sticky fingers The cat’s choosy about the places he feeds The cat don’t take any more than he needs The cat don’t care for Marine Le Pen He don’t care for ladies with blood on their hands There’s something sweet about his catty breath But none of us cares for the stench of death But the cat likes a good box set The cat likes a long weekend The cat likes a day in bed The cat likes a good box set Six Feet Under or Twin Peaks, Happy Valley and Cold Feet The Sopranos, Life On Mars, Game of Thrones and House of Cards Luther, Fargo, Frasier, Cheers, The Simpsons and the Wonder Years Happiness and Breaking Bad, Mongrels and the Likely Lads This is England, Father Ted… Auf Wiedersehen, Pet… and the cat likes a good box set.
10.
Poets' Day 03:10
Words: You’re dead now, I suppose But that won’t stop me writing Until I’ve ticked your cold coffee Memo in the morning And if they ask, then I’ll say “He’s not gone away He just left before the boss It’s poets’ day.” And ten years down the road The best motel in Kansas You’re pouring cold cherry cola from the bottle And when the check comes I’ll say “What he owes, I’ll pay He’s just one step ahead It’s poets’ day.” I’m dead now, I suppose It hasn’t stopped me writing And now I’ve filed your cold coffee Memo in the morning And when they ask, then please say I’ve not gone away I just couldn’t stand no more It’s poets’ day. I got the last stage out of Dodge It’s poets’ day I just had some place to be It’s poets’ day I just took an early bath It’s poets’ day We just skipped to the last page It’s poets’ day

about

July 2023:

Gosh - 2017 - all seems such a long time ago, now, doesn't it..? Having endured 6 years of sleepless nights in the interim, however (and consulted any number of eminent physicians, therapists, gurus, lifestyle coaches, etc., etc.) we have now come to the conclusion that our half-decade of collective insomnia was because... we never got the original mixes quite right.

So... now... ever so lightly re-mastered for 2023... here's Poets' Day.

Again.

Enjoy..!!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

June 2017:

Huw Darling (ex-Spanish Amanda/London Fields), Jo Darling (ex-Abstinence & Sensibility) and Freddie 'T-Bear' Darling (ex-RSPCA) are beyond euphoric to announce their debut long-player "Poets' Day".

Please, please don't feel remotely obliged to send us any money for downloading - all but one of us has a day job... and the one who doesn't is horrifically spoiled by the rest of us. Drop us an email if you like.

Appreciators of the Darlings' downbeat stylings may wish to visit Bandcamp's Spanish Amanda and London Fields pages, where equally saucy recordings, old and new, are available to download free of charge, guilt, obligation or tortured midnight soul-searching. Sláinte!

credits

released June 6, 2017

Poets' Day was recorded in the JJ Sefton Memorial Mobile and at The Donnerie with the assistance of Ivan Zehdra-Maychayne II.

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The Chickpea Darlings Letchworth Garden City, UK

'Riot' has OFFICIALLY left the building. Thanks, Darrin.

The Darlings: Middle-aged bedroom miserablists with C86-ish tendencies, The Chickpea Darlings have seen the future and don't care for the cut of its jib. Their dry-as-a-biscuit pop vignettes provide the perfect soundtrack for speculating on the madness to come. Viva Donald Trump, global warming & the death of democracy. Viva the Darlings. ... more

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